O.o (nanofemto) wrote in humoursection,

Ask a Stupid Question

Maybe this should be titled, "Here's your sign." Anyway, I got this in my inbox today:

A stupid question deserves an appropriate answer....I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my Labrador Retriever and was in line to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned by something in the dog food and was that why I was in the hospital.

I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

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My wife and I had a similar situation... we were at Pet Smart buying food and a bunch of toys for the girlies (Raven and Shiloh). Balls, rawhides, chew toys, new leashes and collars... that sort of thing.

The teenaged clerk asked, "What kind of dogs do you have?"

I looked at her for a second, then asked her, "Dogs?"

My wife said, "Who said we had dogs?"

The clerk looked at us for visual cues that we were joking. We remained straight faced, then I asked for a token for one of those little collar tags the machine will engrave for you... I looked at my wife and asked, "Do you want your real name, or your nickname on here?"