10. His future speeches will be limited to 15 minutes, tops.
9. The smell of scorched hair as his beard burns off.
8. The Cigars. Not Cuban. Jamaican!
7. Che Guervara's been talking shit about him down there for nearly 40 years already!
6. Tony Curtis chasing him around with one of those little smoke repeller fans all the time.
5. No place to get a good, strong cup of coffee like at home.
4. The way everyone is always kissing Hitler's ass. "It's always Hitler-this and Hitler-that! I'm SICK of it, already!"
3. Stalin, Napoleon, Caligula and Mao get all the babes.
2. The constant heat makes his starched military fatigues get all wrinkly.
And the number one thing Fidel Castro won't like about Hell?
1. His roommate? JFK.